I fight like a girl

 It was such a relief to have a diagnosis

It’s 3 years ago today that I walked into the office of my doctor and received the diagnosis that I had a disease called “Fibromyalgia. I could barely even remember how to say it at that time.

My story began since 14 years ago when I began seeking medical help for my severe migraine headache, shoulder pain and neck pain that was affecting my life to the point I could not move without major pain.

I wasn't concerned at first, but when the pain rapidly got worse, I decided to visit a doctor. He told me that I’m experiencing a true migraine with extreme sensitivity to light, noise and certain smells, he described to me several and different types of medicines in addition to physical therapy, but nothing helped.

5 years later, the pain was still there. So I took the decision to visit another doctor, followed by another and other. Actually I’ve visited different hospitals, many doctors for cure and none could offer me a help, no doctor ever put all of the symptoms together and gave me a proper diagnosis.

For many years after, doctors and my family members used to tell me: “it’s all in your head”, “there is nothing wrong with you”, and I used to tell myself: “I know I’m in horrible pain”, I used to ask myself the same question over and over: “how can there be nothing wrong with me? Am I crazy?”, so I could only conclude that this is God’s will for me and I should accept it especially that many doctors believe that Fibro is not a real condition, and it’s difficult to diagnose because its primarily a diagnosis of exclusion, they didn't even mention it to me, they diagnosed me with numerous and contradictory diagnoses except Fibro.

I continued fighting pain and fatigue with regular pain killers and muscle relaxers without visiting doctors, I've had times when I felt fine and times when I've felt terrible, until it got worse and spread through my entire body, it came back in full force and recorded a new low.

I was only diagnosed a few years ago when I visited another doctor, I had an MRI for brain, neck, back alongside many tests including nerve test, blood work, arthritis, all were normal. The doctor went over all my symptoms, physically examined me, and right away he diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia because my pain symptoms were widespread not on one side. I felt like I was cured! That happy feeling didn't last long. I went under the trial and error to find a medication that is right for me; I took major doses of different types of medications, and unfortunately nothing helped too. I felt better during the first 3 months after which the pain got worst even with all these medications.

Finally, I've decided not to visit my doctor again, not to go under any kind of treatments except the regular pain killers, I don’t talk about it much with others, because yet there are people who believe that Fibro doesn't exist, and that it’s a made up disease with the purpose of appeasing patients, giving their complaints a name.

I’m not sure if this stage in my life would be the end of my journey with finding the right medicine since I know that Fibromyalgia can’t be cured. What I’m sure about is that I’m coping with my pain; living my life, enjoying the free pain times, sitting, walking, thinking, concentrating, working hard, being sociable when possible, hoping one day people will understand, and lastly I will keep fighting as I always have, I will fight like a girl.